My Meltdown / My own people

It is a funny place to be, this SWF making new friends.  I had a meltdown a few weeks ago.  I was homesick.  It came upon me suddenly.  I couldn't speak about my boys or my dog without tears coming up.  I am here as a helpmate to my niece and her husband.  I've taken a year long Sabbatical from the every day, mundane life in Petoskey, Michigan.  The genesis, in communicating with my niece, who I hadn't seen in 15 years...(she was then just dating John, now her husband for 15 years and father of her 3 children and one on the way), was basically, "You need an adventure and we need help!"  The details were pretty much logistics.  They had 3 young children and would love my work with them to be keeping the house in order, staying on top of dishes and laundry - both of which seem never-ending at times :)!  We clarified that I was not here to be a Nanny, other than an extra set of eyes, ears and hands for the little ones.  I arrived on September 24th, 2012, with the premise that John's parents would be coming to live here, but J&W needed my interim help until their arrival - anywhere from March to September.  We attained a 90 day extension in December that expires on March 23rd.  The original logistics were that at the 6 month mark, if John's parents hadn't yet arrived, they'd need to send me out of the country (and, as it turns out, out of the EU-European Unit) to re-enter for another 90 days.  If John's parents still haven't arrived by June-end, we would file another 90 day extension, the end of which I would have to leave.
Wendi told me that she very rarely ever got sick...couldn't remember the last time she had vomited, etc.  I dove right in and adjusted to the extreme change in lifestyle:  I had raised my children, and was maintaining my Professional Organizing business part-time, while working as an Ad Assistant @ the local newspaper, coming home to my quiet house, with my quiet dog and my quiet 18 year old son.  I'd take long walks along the beach, hike the woods, take early morning exercise walks in the Winter snows of Petoskey and hoped my roof and 99 Jeep Cherokee would last another year.  I was a home-owner, a mother and dog-owner.  I loved finding ways to decorate my house, mixing modern with antique aesthetics via consignment and cheap antique shops in my area and Grand Rapids.  My eldest was beginning his Sophomore year @ Kendall School of Art & Design,  Colin and I were grieving the end of our era with the Petoskey Marching Band.  I had been a single mother for 7 years, having successfully dealt with a 14 month fight from foreclosure, having to take horrid part-time jobs for supplemental income after the economic crash, a couple of surgeries for Colin @ UofM, a carbon monoxide leak and old furnace dying....in one December, the week b4 Christmas.  I had kept my riding lawn mower going, tended my own flower gardens and kept a pretty yard on 3/4 acre of my own property.  I had a cat for mousing and saved up to keep that old Jeep chugging along.  And by February 2013, I find myself living in a 3rd floor "apartment" with low ceilings and low closets, and being careful not to get up too fast when using the loo, so as not to bump my head; keeping Damp Rid buckets filled due to the incessant humidity, taking a shower 2 floors down, doing other peoples laundry and dishes, living near a small military base where the average age is 35 young marrieds with small children.  I have no home of my own to decorate or clean, no yard to maintain, no groceries to buy, no sons to mother, no dog to master.  My niece has been ill with migraines, Oct.-Nov., then insomnia/anxiety/ depression/panic attacks Nov. to early January; she took a 3 day trip to Germany for a special ultrasound in late November, meaning I successfully took care of the 3 children full time for 3 days until John came home from work.  
I found their 3 week trip December trip to the US to be a very good break for me - just to pause a moment, catch my breath per se from a drastic lifestyle change in 3 months.  I felt like I was adjusting well and I had no complaints, but it felt good to have a lot of my own space again, feed myself and the dog, do my own dishes, my own laundry, get to know Carla on my own better and clean up after my own self for a couple of weeks.  I was just as happy to welcome them home on December 30th.
Wendi had been struggling with insomnia/anxiety/depression prior to their trip, but triggered by a terrible jet lag from an overnight lay-over on their way home, within a week, her condition deteriorated drastically.  Then, just 2 weeks later, we found out why!, that her IVF transfer had been successful and she was pregnant with baby #4.  This was great news, but what came with it, and since the beginning of January, has been very severe nausea with her now 11 week pregnancy.  I have been both weary and inspired as I walk alongside her daily struggle during this time.  In my personal world, I was beginning to feel the strain of having nobody over the age of 45 to have a conversation with; gaining acquaintances only through Wendi's activities, surrounded by young children and wonderful girls, but all Wendi's people.  I missed MY people, MY home, MY dishes, MY dog, MY yard, MY cat, MY children, MY car, MY lawn mower, MY bed, MY bathroom....When my niece came up one day with the first light I'd seen in her eyes in a month, telling me they'd found a way not to send me out of the country to extend my visa through @ least June, maybe even to September, I felt a very odd sensation that I was watching her lips move, seeing a rare light in her eyes, but couldn't hear more than something that sounded like the teacher in Charlie Brown cartoons.
I am very flexible and I have found John and Wendi to be the same.  This is the perfect situation and I couldn't imagine living so well with ANYone else.  I had a great schedule, averaging, for the most part 1-7p, 5 days a week.  While no money changes hands, my living, eating and transportation is taken care of while I give 30-45 hours a week to their needs. As well, beginning in November, I had successfully cultivated a steady stream of Professional Organizing and Pet Sitting work of my own.  Besides loving the work, it has garnered my ability to save almost enough money to fly my boys here for a visit during Casey's college Spring break to look forward to.  In the midst of my bout with homesickness and CareGiver burnout, while painful, gifted me with the voice and the wherewithal to merge being a family's helpmate without losing myself in that process.  To not let the fact of being sensitive to Wendi's various forms of illness, stop me from finding my own value just as important.  I found a woman in her early 60's to confidentially bounce things off of as part of the support for military families offered on base.  I realized that I had made a decision 5 months ago - I needed to find a way to keep a strong sense of myself, while working within the parameters of someone else's life, and that any other needs I had of my own simply needed to be set aside for this time.  I did not realize that I needed my own people and my own life within a much smaller scope of a lifestyle.  I realized that I had, in fact, developed my own business here; I had, in fact cultivated my own relationships.  And it is not something I need to feel guilty about that I need to relate to adults outside of small children, but rather quite normal as I am at a very different place in my life, and none is better than the other, just different.  Just like my surroundings, I find this Island to be every bit AS beautiful as Petoskey, MI, just different.  I don't think it's more beautiful here or there - rather different kinds of beautiful.  I realized that as much as I needed the break in December, I needed that break in March.  This says nothing against the wonderful and fun family with whom I live, rather that though they are my family, we are separate and we are @ different places in life.  Just as they have each other to make wise decisions, I need people in my own age bracket and life experiences by which to make wise decisions for my life.   I am grateful that we have maintained both the commitment and the maturity to communicate openly and realistically - that my need to take care of myself and get away by myself every 3 months or so has nothing @ all to do with them.  I found myself so conflicted because nothing was wrong and it has been my privilege to walk alongside this family during the most vulnerable, difficult time in their lives as individuals, marriage and family (self proclaimed).  Their trust has humbled me and even in the week when all 6 of us sat in puke and diarrhea in a bout with a 48 hour flu, each of us in staggered stages, I said with sincerity, "...there's no place (other than w/my boys) I would rather be, or with whom I'd rather be."  I call Wendi a brave soldier, Godly wife and mother; John, such a demonstration of what a Godly man, father and husband looks like and through the muck of Wendi's illness' and maybe because of them, have fallen hook, line and sinker in love with these 3 children.  And then there's Scrubby, my 80# Dalmation companion, that is the frosting on the cake of this family. At the same time, I felt like I was scrambling to keep ME.
I spoke w/John & Wendi about the very real necessity for the trip out of the EU in March, as opposed to using the loop hole - that the day-to-day reality was very different than our initial agreement of, "You need an adventure and we need help!", thereby clarifying the initial agreement.  And, the humor throughout has never faltered.  While Wendi's brain was switching gears, John retorted, "Look Wendi, the deal was, to get Aunt Connie here, suck the life out of her for a year and send her home."  Initially, it was stated that I would have no other choice, but to leave altogether after a year.  But, 5 months later, Wendi has no memory of where that information came from and they were curious if I would consider returning after the baby is born.  They weren't officially asking me, but having no solid commitment from his parents and coinciding with the culmination of my year commitment here, they needed to know their options.  I knew for certain, that I would not, for 2 reasons: #1-Upon the arrival of baby #4, the helpmate role would change to a Nanny position and though I love the 3 children here, I am more comfortable with the current arrangement as house-help, on-call babysitter and assisting w/the kids.  #2-I know for sure, I don't want to be so far from my sons for longer than 1 year.   Since that conversation, John's parents have  committed to coming in August or September 2013 and my trip is booked for Morocco from March 21st - 24th.  And we are all excited for them and me!  Below is what I look forward to:  a driver from the hostel-like hotel will pick me up @ the airport, holding up a sign. 

They will have a dinner waiting for me, that could look something like this.

My view will be something like this

and my room should be exactly like this!

Additionally, I take Scrubby, averaging every other day (weather permitting) for walks along the ocean front nearby; I am currently residing back @ the little European cottage around the corner from Kitsteiners (from 2/13-3/10), so it feels like I have my own digs and transport - a little independence.  The lady of this house has given birth in the states to a 9# baby boy.  Per their instruction, the 5 chickens and the Canary have been given to good homes (the duck, without a pond escaped long ago) and I am taking good care of their home and dogs until their return.  I have the weekends to myself and my own social life to cultivate, spending an average of 30-35 hours helping the Kitsteiners, which is a short walk away.  Last weekend I had completed 32 hours there from Monday to Thursday.  I had a 6 hour Organizing job on Friday.  It was a rainy, windy day, so my Friday culminated with a BLT for dinner, a roaring fire and a great movie.  On Saturday, I had an Organizing consult on base and the same client asked me to take care of her Pug, while she took a weekend jaunt to a nearby island.  So, I went back and forth between that base pet-sitting job to this one in Porto Martins, as well as got her house Organization project completed by the time she walked in the door on Monday afternoon.  John had Presidents Day/Monday off, therefore gave me the day off there, feeling good about using my hours T-F with Wendi and the kids.  I had a great week with Wendi & the kids - I think the kids love me as much as I do them...I'm pretty sure :).  We were busy with Library Story hour, grocery shopping, going to the BX and post office, MOPS and a beautiful weather day Friday where Wendi invited 3 friends over with their kids (10 kids ages 5 and under) who were graced with the big yard to play in all day and Wendi had 3 days with significant windows of no-nausea.  Admittedly, I was pooped by Friday, looking forward to a weekend where I was really OFF.  Yesterday, I stopped in @ a friends Pampered Chef party as her welcome to the Island gathering on base, then met up with 6 others to attend an Art Exhibit in Angra (the biggest city of the Island) @ the Angra Museum.  Here are some photo's from last night.  Carla and Wendi came by after the museum and dinner event, along with Lindsey, Adrianne and Etleva, for a PJ clad evening of a chick flick, roaring fire and wine.  4 of us walked over to the Ocean @ 1:30A, just because we could

As has been a common theme in my life's journey, I will remember this, as gifts gleaned through discomfort.  See, what I didn't even know I'd forgotten was that I matter.  Back home, my boys and Bleu were what mattered.  Finding myself on an Island with young marrieds with their young children or young single gals in a successful military position, THEY matter - this near 50 year old nobody can't possibly compare.  But in my confusing, conflicting emotions,  I see that God allowed it, to show me that I do matter and I have value.  I know that the Kitsteiner's value my role and have grown to care about me personally; I know that the pet owners feel blessed to have me available to care for their pets in a more personal way and yes, that just because these new girls are much younger than me, doesn't mean we can't have a real friendship.  
Decisions that I could not have known prior, have been made.  Things I know now, that I could not have otherwise known.  That if you stay open, time teaches and heals and that the people you meet along the way are our great teachers.  That letting go of people and things can be more scary and difficult than I realized, every bit as much, more freeing and open than I could have imagined.  It brings with it a much deeper understanding to my work as much as to my life.  I wonder @ times how hard it must be for Wendi, being the woman of this house, realizing the power that has gets taken over by someone else, albeit necessary.   She's just trying to feel better, to engage with her children, be a good wife, maintain her own friendships, yet in her suffering has lost a lot of power that comes with her role as the woman of the household - I'm not sure it's something she considered in the equation asking for help, but has admitted to me, is hard.
So, here I am on a quiet Sunday, in this quiet house of someone else's dogs, I sit watching the derelict waves of the ocean on a windy, humid, grey day (general Winter weather on Terceira Island) just @ rest.  Happy it's not raining again, happy I have my laundry done and no other responsibilities.  Happy to clean up from last night's fun with the girls.  And, best of all, maybe I'll get in a chat with Casey tonight.
Beyond this, Joanie (Isaac's biological grandma) has booked her tickets for 10 days with us in April, arriving just the same day of John's return from a 4 day training in Texas.  My boys will be coming here for 7-10 days in early May - yes BOTH of them!   Then George & Diane - my eldest sister/Wendi's mom & dad, will coming for a visit in June.  Wendi's baby is due mid September for which she will be going to Germany to deliver.  I don't understand it all, but from what I do understand, she will go to Germany to stork-nest with the 3 kids with either my help or John's folks' help.  John will join them closer to the birth and then they await the new baby's passport, before their return to Terceira Island with their new helpmates x2 - Grandpa & Grandma Kitsteiner!  
As for me, I only know for certain that I will leave for good, either from here or from Germany to the USA.  I don't know how or where or anything that goes along with it - I just know that I need some time with my sons and my Bleu.  Only God knows where I will live or how I will get around.   I'm not concerned.  I am coming more and more from a foundation of gratitude and knowing that trusting, also requires participation.  Maybe that is one of the lessons I am here to have learned, along with, @ this stage of my life, learning my value.  Seeing the teachers from my past and present, noticing the truer value in things like, enjoyment, fulfillment, how integral to my being is regular laughter, and living the processes from one end to another strengthens my resolve toward bright hope for my future.  And along the way, I have some great gifts that I did not have just 5 months ago - things like a healthy extended family;  like knowing new friends that I will now know the rest of my life and some probably see again.  Things that once mattered a great deal to me, just don't anymore - I used to care about what vehicle I drove, now I'm just happy to drive!  I used to care about what my house and room looked like - now I'm just happy to have a place to live.  And there also remain the idiosyncratic things about myself, that if I ever do have a kitchen of my own again, it will be an open kitchen void of a center table or island.  And I know for sure that, though it can be disconcerting to, like these military families, have no control where you live, I am more adaptable than I thought I was.  That:

Can't Decide & Who Cares Anyway?

I can't decide if I've just had the best, long hot bath of my life...or my sense of contentment and comfort are from the fact that I've just had a long, hot bath.  I can't decide if the reason I feel so peaceful right now is because I've just had said bath; that I'm back pet-sitting @ the house about 100 steps from the ocean front (with 2 dogs, 5 chickens-the duck is gone and a canary) for 2 weeks right around the corner from the Kitsteiner compound; that I have a full day off and am feeling well; that I can hear those ocean waves, just sitting here on the couch; that I've just had a really great cup of coffee in a good mug; that all I can hear right now is the ocean and roosters cock-a-doodle-doing; that I felt like I was in sanctuary when watching a movie last night propped up in a really comfortable bed in a cabin-like-feel bedroom; that I had a great night sleep, only waking to my natural body clock as opposed to an alarm or other loud noise; or that all I have to do today is write my monthly Organizing column for the Petoskey News Review and possibly make a fire in the fireplace, listening to the evening oceantide.  And, then I think, who cares why I feel such contentment, comfortability and peace - I'm just going to "be" that today.  That and grateful.
I am a professional organizer for a not-so-lofty reason:  I am OCD and neurotically neat.  I realized and accepted this years ago, hence cultivating these seeming negatives into a business!  For instance,  After finishing up a 45+ hour work week last night @ 7P, Wendi had to tell me to absolutely not do the dishes; and when exhausted, after gathering a good overnight bag, I arrived @ the home I am pet-sitting and spent 2 hours getting everything neatly in order and my stuff set up in the bathroom and bedroom, I have had to stop myself several times from doing their laundry and organizing a bathroom cabinet, or walking 3 bags of recycles down to the recycle bins.  Their cleaning lady comes tomorrow and with 4 of them out of the house, she will need the work to do.  It was very hard for me to leave the compound yesterday without doing those dishes, but I simply did not have any where-withall left in me.  It did, however, give me great satisfaction to fold a laundry load, put one in the dryer and run a new one before I left for the night.  As I ran back to grab my coffee for this a.m., up 2 flights of stairs (there are 33 in total - see?  OCD, who counts stairs?!), the thought of Wendi finding a very full, large basket of folded, clean laundry when she got up this morning, made me very happy.

The Kitsteiner family, after a 12 hour delay, finally arrived back on the island the morning of the 30th, from their 3 week trip to the USA.  Sparing all of the details, what ensued over the past 2 weeks since their return was....just, what I've come to call The Terrible Awful.  To summarize:  Wendi has been extremely ill and while still climbing out of it - the rest of us all got the flu in staggered days, some overlapping the others.  By Wednesday, I had 30 hours in, flu and all.  The photo below was Tuesday:

At one point, Wendi and I just looked @ each other incredulously.  She seemed to be trying to form the words, "I'm sorry."and with utmost honestly I said, "Wendi, outside of being w/my 2 boys and Bleu, even in this, there is nowhere or nobody with whom, I'd rather be.  

From Thursday through Saturday, I was able to do 3 full days of Organizing w/3 separate clients, while doing my best to keep on top of laundry and dishes @ The Kitsteiners.  By last night, I was exhausted, and arrived home to a plate of John's gourmet cooking - they saved a beautiful plate for me and I enjoyed it with an excellent imported beer, that almost hurt John to watch me drink, as the 3 of us adults got caught up with each other.  I look forward to another very full week with 4 organize clients and the Kitsteiner clan dishes, laundry, library story hour and playtime with the kids.  And, as I'm busy going to and fro, these are the sights I see, for which I am grateful:

 

And, in running to the Portuguese grocery store, I don't know that I'll ever be able to eat pork again:

And last night, as I checked my Facebook page, I loved seeing this photo from P-Town, wishing I could hug my boys, walk with Bleu along Lake Michigan and catchup by the fire of the wood-burn stove in the den of my old house:

and someday, I'd love to re-create this bookshelf below:

MERRY CHRISTMAS/HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Though I have had no sense of HOME this season, as my boys are my home - I have received many blessings and have much to be grateful for:  Snowy photo's from Northern, MI (I LOVE and miss the snowy Winter that Petoskey offers); news from home that my parents (79/80 years old) have at last sold their home and finally preparing for their Retirement Home, most likely in Holland, MI; phone calls with Casey; personal emails from close friends; news that Colin got a job @ Meijer and loves it;  news that my '99 Jeep Cherokee finally was sold 'as is'...and the motor seized only a few days later; the impromtu word of affirmation that I am "home" to someone here; meeting new friends recently PCS'd here and the ability to loan them the extra car until theirs arrived on the ship; spontaneous dinners and scrapbooking time with Carla.

The Kitsteiner family of 5 left on December 9th, through the 29th to spend Christmas in South Florida and Minnesota with their families of origin and close friends.  As well, Wendi underwent the impending IVF transfer @ Mayo and will be drug-induced hormone free by the time of their return...and thus we can all hop off that roller-coaster ride, especially her!

I have enjoyed a long break from the huge transition from a quiet life in a resort town in Northern, MI with my 18 year old son and 7 year old Lab to living in another country with this family w/3 children under the age of 5 and a 5 year old Dalmation with energy to burn.  Honestly, I haven't really noticed they were gone, busy with organizing work and pet-sitting.  This is the 1st week I have had some extra time to myself.  Scrubby, however, has gone from waking me 7-7:30A every day, which I wasn't real fond of, to 6-6:30A each morning, since his buddy coming to play daily ended on the 23rd.  The honeymoon is over pup - you are back to sleeping downstairs with a gate blocking your passage and I will decide when we get up :).  

Christmas Eve & Christmas Day weather-wise were so beautiful.  After a whole lot of rain and 30-55 mph windy days, it was such a gift.  Lots of walks to and along the ocean, climbing the rocks closer to the ocean and oh, the sound I love so much when the big waves smash into those rocks.  Additionally there are a lot of caves on the Island, but they are closed during the Winter months.  Except for one, the Christmas Cave (only open on Christmas Day), where they hold a Portuguese Christmas Mass.  I rallied Carla and the Helfrich family with, "When will you otherwise or ever again be able to experince a Christmas service in a cave?"  We didn't stay for the entirety, as it loses something when you don't understand the language and cave precipitation drips on heads, no matter where you stand.  It was a good drive and such a great day, we culminated our trip with a stop along the ocean, so drawn to how beautiful it was.

This is in the town of Biscoit and the pictures do not do its magnificence any justice at all.  When those waves smash into those rocks - the sight and sound cannot be matched.

I am grateful today, the day after Christmas for Hita spending the day cleaning here.  She is such  a bright spot in my week.  I filled up air on the family van tires, cleaned the yard of dog poop, took away all of the garbage & recycles and grabbed myself a Venti Skim Latte.  I have the day to myself and

writing assignments to accomplish.  Maybe a catnap could be in order.  Tomorrow I begin a 6 day pet sitting stint for 2 Dachshunds on base.
Once Hita leaves today, it will be my job to keep the house clean and ready for the family's return the evening of the 29th.  I think Scrubby may do some cartwheels, especially for the 3 he can reach most easily.
Happy New Year to one and all.

Update w/Photo's!

It's my day off today.  I can't believe it's December 2nd and I'm very comfortable in a long sleeved tee shirt & yoga pants w/my window open and a nice breeze blowing back the curtains, looking out to a sunny day and a wavy ocean.  I began my morning w/coffee and a movie and went downstairs by 1P, where I found the family eating lunch.  So I ate lunch for breakfast, enjoying the kids' & Scrubby's greetings as well as John & Wendi's bantering.  Wendi got to sleep until 9am and no hint of a migraine was brewing (usually by 12N she's starting medications to stave one off).  After her initial greeting she dove right into scheduling the upcoming week w/me, while John teased us (mostly her) from the corner of the kitchen.  
It was a long week w/30 hours tending my duties here @ the compound as well as another 10 hours w/organizing clients.  In addition to Wendi fighting through new/awful side effects to the IVF drugs she has been injecting into her system, she made all of the arrangements for us to meet @ the government office in Angra to attain my extended 90 day visa.  My original 90 day visa in Portugal expires on 12/24 and the family will be leaving for the US soon, so we needed to get those wheels in motion prior.  Attaining this extension allows me here until March 24th @ which time I will need to leave the country and re-enter for a new 90 day period free and clear.  Should John's parents be delayed past that, we will be going through this process again for another extension, that will culminate with my stay here to a full year.  That's the plan for now.
 The weather has been beautiful, so we walked through Prai, as a family yesterday, but most of the shops were closed to another Portuguese holiday.  Still we did find some good pizza and it was nice to be out as a family.  John & Wendi left @ 5:30P for John's Christmas party until 10:30P.  They came upstairs chatting and laughing, describing their evening out.

We decided to get some photo's with the kids with mommy & daddy all dressed up.  Clearly Abigail has no idea that within moments of this, they will be leaving her with the boys & I.  In between each photo, she'd come running to me, say something directorial in baby talk, then go back and sit into a pose.  Hilarious!

Posing still after the family was done!

 Wendi with her little lady (donned her her big brothers' old slippers).  This was a dress Wendi found on her shopping day out, where she entrusted her 3 friends and auntie on What To Wear - to update her current sporty, kid friendly only wardrobe.
Her hair down, she paired this dress with leggings boots, and the complimentary color of aquamarine blue jewelry.
John's blue shirt complimented her nicely as well!

It is so good to see them happy.  It is hard to feel so helpless to ease someone's painful struggle.  That said, I've admired watching Wendi fight her way through it - such as the day, when she could barely speak, couldn't make eye contact - but there she was outside with her kids & the dog, running back and forth for some exercise, arms pumping up & down above her head, her only solace that maybe that would help and that this would pass in a couple of weeks. (These side effects she is experiencing are strictly hormonal and side effects from the powerful IVF drugs.  I can't imagine choosing to go through that, but @ least we know that she will be back to herself once she is through this process - @ least she knows that!).  She is a trooper and still manages to get a lot accomplished and maintain patience and wonderful interaction with her 3 kids.

So, back to the start of my day off!  After a long shower where exfoliating and shaving were involved, it feels wonderful to be  lotioned and straightening my room and clean laundry, watching movies and writing.  And when I hear Abigail screaming to evade her nap (as the rest of family tries to nap), after 10 weeks, neither do I feel any compulsion to assist.  I did help w/dishes after a wonderful dinner, (thank you John) of T-Bone steak, grilled asparagus and great salad.

Today marks the beginning of my 11th week living with the Kitsteiner family on Terceira Island, and life has gotten busier here for me.  Beginning of November, thanks to Wendi, I was the guest speaker (Professional Organizing) @ her MOPS group.  There were 17 MOPS (Mothers of PreSchoolers), and 2 first timers, just there to hear the Professional Organizer.  Though Wendi had been "advertising" my organizational expertise, as well as for pet-sitting on the Lajes Military pages, I'd had interest, but no booking's as yet.  Since then, I've organized the Base Chapel and 3 entire house bookings, and continue to set appointments for consultations and assessments.  As well, I am learning a new area of organizing - the families have PCS (Permanent Change of Station) changes all of the time, thereby finding purging more difficult, as they never know if their next house/housing will be larger or smaller.  I love a good challenge, thus have been enjoying working to understanding this new realm and how to fit that into the mix of organization.  I've worked w/clients w/drastic life changes, but I had not yet worked with those that had to prepare for ongoing lifestyle changes.

John & Wendi's friends, stationed in Germany, came to visit the week of Thanksgiving.  Then Nick & Kristy Seeliger w/their 2 boys were invited to spend Thanksgiving Day where the menu was:  Beef Wellington, Turkey, Mashed Potatoes (John);  Ham (Nick), Sweet Potato casserole & corn pudding (Linda); Stuffing, green bean casserole and rolls (Wendi); Pecan Pie (Linda); Pumpkin Pie (Kristy); Oreo Balls (Wendi).  I kept the house straightened, kitchen cleaned and all dishes done & Shane kept kids entertained.

I missed my boys very much, but was comforted to know they were having their big dinner on their end of the world with large families as well - something I was unable to provide them.  I did cook a big turkey dinner each year and we'd spend the day together.  I teared up when people were kind enough to ask about them, but I purposely didn't call them until much later in the week.

Wendi decided she needed a wardrobe update, so enlisted 3 close friends  and myself to help her splurge on herself as well as help with the fashion end of it.  We drove to Angra on "black Friday", which in Portugal doesn't exist, so there were no crowds to fight.  It so was nice to see Wendi excited, happy and having fun with her girlfriends - no kids in attendance for 5 whole hours!

Of course we had to lunch after such great success and found a Chinese Restaurant to rehash our morning finds.  Wendi has never spent more than $100 on one shopping trip - whose finds mostly consist of $10 Old Navy shirts.  The only thing she does spend money on is her athletic shoes (size 13 women's feet) and her jeans or slacks with a 37" inseam (she's 6'3").  We were all very proud of her!  At one point her friend Carla said, "Sometimes you have to step out of your comfort zone." to which we heard Wendi's statement from behind the curtain, "ooooh, I've certainly stepped!" - as Linda and I were just bringing clothing to her dressing room to try on - then she'd step out with a smile, question mark or both on her face.  We mostly oooo'd and aaaah'd, w/ only a few items that didn't work.   

When guests come, we always watch the weather and plan a sight-seeing day or 2.  Here are some from Angra that week.  The weather here is amazing - sometimes it rains on and off for days @ a time.  Thanksgiving Day garnered us 50 mph winds with rain.  But aside from that, we mostly get 60's w/partially sunny days.  It gets a little cooler @ night.  There are no furnaces here - just fireplaces.  We use space heaters on the 1st floor (where the kitchen, laundry, offices and eating areas are) and the fireplace, on the 2nd floor (where the 3 bedrooms and large living room are).  Heat rises, so my 3rd floor suite is always good.  I've only used my heater 3 times so far.  Not bad for December 2nd!

For 17 days of November, I was hired to pet sit for a family in the same village of Porto Martins, just about a block away.  I charge a little less the daily rate than the kennel ($15 per) here does for dogs.  This was a little different:  2 dogs, 6 chickens, a duck and a canary!  I gave up the notion of going back and forth there and just moved in....and came back and forth to my niece's instead.  Here are some photo's:

this was my view out the 2nd floor Kitchen window

3rd floor M. Bedroom window.  My time here offered some respite for me - quiet @ the end of the day & prior to starting the next.  I also got very sick for about 48 hours, whereas John was grateful to have a place for me to be quarantined from his family.

The chicken coupe & duck w/o a pond (i feel bad for the duck)

A Dark Day In The Life

I logged a long day today 10A-7P.  Poor Wendi is taking a lot of hormones in preparation for her upcoming IVF #5, and because of those has fallen head first into a depression, making it difficult for her to function.   It helped today when she just let herself cry...on & off from 12N-7P.  Over the past month and a half, I've noticed some escalation of different weekly maladies ranging from migraines, cramping, anxiety, and most recent, insomnia.

I said to her just the other day (and she agreed) that since I arrived here 9 weeks ago, she's only had 2 or 3 days of 100% from start to finish.  This new malady teased around last week, but lurked in by Monday.  Me: "Good morning! How we doin?"  Wendy (body language of forced movement and slow, "sludgey" conversation with the kids) answered, "oh okay"  Me: "Just okay?"  Wendi: "Yeah, just struggling.  Mood is very low."  Me: "Do you know why?" Wendi: "Not at all.  No reason."  Me: "okay.  Anything you need from me?"  Wendi: "nope. just how it is."  Me: "I'm sorry Wen."  Wendi: "Me too".  I had to leave for an organizing estimate, that I never ended up finding the house after 1/2 hour of driving around the Island.  This after the morning started w/the microwave (4 tries) not warming up my coffee and no time to make a fresh pot.  Me in the a.m.=marginal @ best.  Me without coffee in the morning=grrrrrrr.
Anyway, so we got through lunch and rest time.  I was on nap duty and Wendi had just laid down for 15 minutes, when her friend brought her 2 boys over and I left with her for new passport photo's for my extended visa.  We were back 2 hours later and her good friend Carla stayed with her boys until Wendi's husband returned.  John had had a hard day @ the office after 3 nights of Abigail waking up several times per night and Wendi out of commission on Ambien.  The kids went to bed nicely and John, Wendi and I finished watching the last 1/2 of Fiddler On The Roof.

On Tuesday, I was gone most of the day on an organizing job and though her eyes looked "dead", she felt better and had a decent late afternoon and evening.

I conceded to go to Base with her and the kids today.  Abigail, Elijah and Wendi needed their flu shots, then to Library Story Hour and the Commissary for groceries.  Remember this for later:  John has a break @ the Clinic and helps Wendi with the kids get their shots.  He tells her that the landlord wants to send over men today to remove the elevator from the house (no explanation and it doesn't matter anyway).  Wendi tells him to tell her in no uncertain terms that nobody will be home until 4P. To tell her absolutely nobody can come until 4P.

At the Library, during the craft time, Wendi told me she was close to tears, so we'd just pick up sandwiches from the Commissary rather than taking the kids for burgers, as planned.  We left @ 10a-home by 1p, kids & Wendi down by 1:30p...to 3P!  “Hurray!” I thought, “I need a break too.” and just as I’d put that into the narrative Abigail started crying...and didn’t stop.  I went in, gave her her pacifier and lay her back down.  To wit, her cries escalated into angry and long screaming for 4 minutes (yes I did time it), then she fell back to sleep.  I thought, “aaaah.  okay, so I have 1/2 hour.” only to hear the doorbell, which could easily roust Abigail again...It was the elevator man, 2 hours early.  Being Portuguese, he did not understand my agitated greeting, “You were not supposed to come until 4P.  All the babies and the mama sleep!”  Thankfully Hita was here and did her best to get him to go now, return @ 4P.  She told me, “Come, I talk to you.”  I thought she was going to tell me in her broken English that he would come back @ 4P...only to see him following us with his tool boxes into the house.  I watched Hita talk to him, him to her, she said to me, “He stay, he fix elevator. Comprehend?”  I said to the man, “Babies wake up - I give them to you!  You stay, fine.”  He laughed nervously.  I grumbled to myself, “he didn’t understand 4 o’clock, but he understood that!”  

Hita proceeds to bring me into John’s office and point to the 3 very tall, very large, very full bookshelves telling me that they have to be moved, so when they cut the elevator out, they put in new windows and doors.  I don’t understand since that wall seems far from the elevator wall, but have endured remodel construction and how things end up leading into other jobs, so rather than ask "why", I ask incredulously, “Today? Now?”  Hita calls her cousin, Julie, who speaks much better English to explain better to me.  Julie speaks to the worker.  Worker hand me the phone.  Julie tells me, “They’ll come back tomorrow, don’t do anything and we’ll let you know what needs to be done then.”  The worker is still there and I incorrectly assume he is packing up his tool boxes, so I return to the 2nd floor, only to hear Abigail crying.  I get her up and because I am not her mom, she continues crying.  I grab my laptop to pull up family photo’s from Wendi’s blog, which usually helps, but Abigail stands across the room crying.  The door opens, a sleepy Wendi comes in, “What’s going on?” (and I feel a little happy inside that I saved her from dealing w/all of that and she got a little bit of rest).  I tell her Abigail just awoke and that the elevator man is here.  We go through the “I was very clear for them not to show up until 4P?” when the doorbell rings again and 2 more men enter the house and walk toward said elevator.  Back to the 2nd floor, the boys are up, but Abigail has stopped crying with her mommy in the room.  Wendi asks me what’s going on for tomorrow.  I tell her that I have to be near base for an organizing job 12:30-4:30p.  She responds, “So I’m alone tomorrow.”   I offer, “If you want me to help you in the morning, I can do that.” / “That’d be great.  What time are you thinking?”  Me: “How about I’ll come down when I wake up and you’ll have me until 12N”  She’s lived w/me for 2 months and knows that my wake up could be as late as 10 or 11A and she promptly burst into tears and runs out of the room.  Isaac looks @ me - we exchange weak smiles, but Sidge continues building his Kinects and Abigail jabbers in the kids kitchen  I’m just grateful that she didn’t see Wendi leave the room.  Wendi returns, says, “It’s not you Connie.”  I say, “I know, but I can set my alarm for a time that would feel more helpful for you w/o a problem.”  She has a glazed look, so I go downstairs to change laundry loads.  As I’m putting clothes into the dryer, the 3 men yell, “Miss Miss - sorry to bother you, but we need upstairs!  Where are the stairs?  Where are the doors and windows we need?”  With wet clothes in my hand, I show them to the stairs to tell them Wendi will help them and yell to Wendi that 3 men are coming up.  The 1st man looks @ me rather sheepishly to ask, “Babies awake?”  I smile, “yes, go up.”  Wendi looks @ me weary, “Can you come watch the kids for me to show them?”  Me: “Yes, just let me put these wet clothes down.”  I do so and run upstairs.  Isaac & Elijah are playing nicely and Abigail has one foot on the 1st of 15 stairs grunting, “ma. ma. ma?” and Wendi with the 3 men is nowhere to be found.  “No Abigail," I say, "come help me with your book.” to which she stands stubbornly and screeches and cries, but within moments, concedes to my request and when I turn the page and she sees the cow, says, “mooooo!”  Oh my gosh, we’ve been working on that all week!  She said Moo! to add to her reporte of “mama. dada. ball. (and) yeah.”

The men come down from the 3rd floor each with a door, window and door in hand.  Wendi follows them, picks up Abigail and follows them down to the 1st floor.  The boys and I follow the procession.  Snacks for the kids and I continue with laundry and Wendi checks on Scrubby, locked out by the pool.  When she comes back in she asks me if she thinks it’s okay that we locked Scrubby up. "shouldn’t we leave him out?  what if the men are afraid of dogs?  But it’s my house and I didn’t ask for this work to be done?  Do you think it matters?  And then is he even protecting us?”  I listened to her questions and when she took a breath and looked to me for my thoughts, I said quietly, “Wendi.  I think it’s all okay as it is.  If you are worried about Scrubby or people with Scrubby, that’s your barometer.”  She nodded deeply and burst into fresh tears, “Oh yeah.  I’m worried about a non-issue.  I get it.  Scrubs IS my barometer.”  I give her a hug and tell her she’s having one heck of an emotional workout and these tears are sweat and she wouldn’t expect not to sweat going for a 2 mile run, “Just cry - nofashmal (no big deal).”  And she does, she just let’s herself cry.  Hita worriedly looks to me, “Wendi?  Why she cry?”  I tell her, “Medicine she take - makes her sad/cry. Nofashmal - we good.  Comprehend?”  Hita, “Ah yessss, Comprehend.” and goes back to sweeping the porch.  I go back to hanging laundry on the lines to find Abigail following Wendi in a diaper, onesie and shoes.  It is 55 degree’s outside!  I grab her up, change her diaper, put pants, socks and a jacket on her and go back to my laundry duties while she happily plays on the porch.  I think it’s safe to say Wendi missed that entire scenario.  We’re back in the house, near the kitchen and Wendi’s just kind of standing there, looking out at...nothing.  I said gently, "Do you feel like you're hanging on by your chinny chin chin?"  Fresh tears, head hung.  She kind of fell into my arms and I told her how sorry I am that she is going through this.  Wendi is very warm, but she is not a natural hugger.  This hug feels a little bit like she’s holding on for dear life.  I know depression’s ugly face and I know that though one may refuse to entertain him, he lurks and hangs heavy on your feet. perfectly happy & relentless to be dragged around.  I tell her what I know:  that she is strong and doing the very best she can with what she has, but that it’s okay that she doesn’t have anything extra right now, than to be with her kids and put one foot in front of the other - everything else is expendable, “So that’s all you HAVE to do.  You are present and your children are fed and content.  I’m here to pick up the slack and this will end.  All is well.  And when you need to cry.  just cry, but keep moving and slow as a turtle works!”  She made Gingerbread man cookies with her boys while I fed Abigail dinner closeby.  When Hita’s son came, I helped carry her bags to the car, came back in watching them happily taste the Gingerbread cookies and I gave Abigail some juice.  Then John pulled in the gate, home from work!  He proceeded to make us wonderful fajitas while Wendi fed the boys dinner and I ran upstairs for a short break.  When I came back down, I played with Elijah and Abigail on the floor and folded the freshly dry laundry as John and Wendi and got caught up on their day.  We sat down to dinner and Wendi was in tears again, “I just don’t want to feel this way.”  John said in an even tone, “I know honey.  You do realize that this is not going to last - just a couple more weeks and you’ll be feeling bright and back to yourself again right?”  She just cried, slowly nodding with her head down.  After dinner, we cleaned up the kitchen, got some computer printing taken care of and finalized the plans for tomorrow.  Tomorrow is another day and Wendi’s mood noticeably lifted about 2 octaves.  Bedtime was close at hand.

So today, the dishes are done and the laundry is caught up and the house is not just picked up, but it is clean (Hita).  Gingerbread cookes made, chore magnets awarded, A-V Bible memory verses recited by the boys (Wendi), stories read (John) and the day planned for tomorrow (John, Wendi, me).

For tomorrow, my alarm is set for 6:30A.  Wendi needs to leave by 7:40A for blood work @ the clinic. Best case scenario, she’ll return @ 9A to take the boys to the MOPS Slumber Party event and return by 12N.  Worst case scenario, she’ll have to go downtown for said blood work, miss MOPS and just return home, having had some time alone.  Either way, I will leave by 12:10P for a 4hour organizing job and resume helping the Kitsteiner family upon my return until the kids’ bedtime.  It will be another 10 hour day.  Friday, I have an organizing appointment 10-11A, then we need to go to the government office w/all of our paperwork, to attain my extended 90-day visa.  From there, we’ll keep the children fed and happy...until their bedtime and we can all relax in our selected corners with our computers as we do most every evening.
And it's nearly 2A....this is why my natural wake up time is 10 am'ish :)

I've decided to say Yes!

This marks my 8th week here in Portugal.  As I think I've indicated in a prior post, my job with my niece's family is to keep the house running, i.e. dishes, laundry, keeping house/yard picked up and exercising Scrubby.  In addition, I help out with the 3 kids on a daily basis w/occasional babysitting one or two of them while Wendi has an appointment w/one or two of them.  When Joni was here, we offered to take all 3 kids so that they could get away overnight alone.  Last week, Wendi had to go to Germany for an ultrasound that they don't have here (getting ready for her IVF in the states soon), so I was in charge of all 3 kids for 3 days, after John left for work...until he got home.  I said Yes, though  admittedly, I was a little intimidated.  Normally, my hours are 1-7P M-F, but for this I had to be functioning by 7A, 6:30A & 7:30A through 7P, albeit John returning from work and taking over main child duties by 5:30 or 6P. It went far better than expected.  Granted, I did not venture out and about and we lived around Abigail's morning and afternoon naps.  I prayed for good weather and it was stellar!  We played outside most of the time.  On Thursday, Wendi's friend Carla took the boys (with her 2 boys) to MOPS while I stayed w/a napping Abigail and then she came again to play in the yard w/the kids late afternoon.  Happy to see John pull in...to find he was feeling very ill.  As compassionately as I could, I said, "ooooh John, between Wendi and Nick (the other Dr. @ his work) being out of town, you cannot be sick."  He nodded and functioned well until the kids' bedtime, but there was no cooking. On Thursday night Wendi messaged John & I, "How are things going?" and this is the conversation that ensued:

John: Seriously. I come home. Abigail is naked and sitting in the driveway, crying. Scrubs is gone. The boys are in the pool, alone. And Connie is smoking on her balcony!

Connie: shush!!!!

John: Okay, actually... Dinner was made. The Abigail was fed, and the boys were about to eat... And the fireplace was really clean. Awesome!

Connie: Seriously - John JUST got home and the real reason he's sick is because he's totally intoxicated. I took the spilling swirl out of his hand, wiped the drool from his chin and sent him to his room - hidden from his dear angelic cherubs

Oh and I had to push the little car away from the wall he smashed it into
John: With her superhuman strength? She was dressed up like a superhero today. She was running around with a broom between her legs making galloping noises at the same time. I have no explanation for it... But I am a little concerned.
Connie: It's what happens living in the Kitsteiner compound!

Friday was the longest day and although we were outside all day, I think we were all feeling a little bit of cabin fever.  As naptime came to an end, I was just thinking, "hmmmm, it's gonna be a long afternoon.", I heard the gate and there appeared Carla with a Venti, triple shot, skim latte w/one pump mocha! and said, "If you need to go to Modello's (Portuguese grocer), I will take the boys, so you can just take Abigail.  Totally serious."  I took her up on it.  Note to self, "never, EVER go to Modello's @ 4P! and always, ALWAYS remember to have 1 Euro for a grocery cart!"  By the time Abigail and I returned, walked to pick up the boys from Carla's and dropped the groceries to the house I'm pet-sitting, John greeted us, feeling back to 95% of himself!  Not that I was keeping track or anything, but it was only 2 hours before we needed to go p/u Wendi from the airport.  The jury's still out as to who was more excited for Wendi's return - John and the kids or me!  I am proud to say, the house was tidy, the dishes were kept up on, laundry was done and the children were alive and cuddley w/me as we awaited Wendi's arrival @ the airport.

Saturday was my day off and I was moved back into the house I am pet sitting, ready to relax into the quiet.  But, it was such a beautiful day, so I said Yes! when Wendi asked me to join them for a day trip, exploring the tiny island of Terceira of 155 square miles. (For comparison sake, Emmet county contains 468 square miles and is the 7th smallest in the state of Michigan.)

We first stopped at "The Christmas Caves" (Gruto do Natal) but they were closed for the winter, so we ended up driving to the highest point of the island (Santa Barbara --elevation 3,035 feet) and viewing an extinct volcano. We did this trip once before with Joni, but the weather was bad and there was no visibility. Today, it was much better! Here are some pictures from our drive up and down.

Whenever we drive somewhere I'm struck by how different it is, driving around here than in America.  In America pedestrians move off being so close to the road, here the driver moves when there are pedestrian's; never in America would I come around a curve to slow to a herd of cattle walking down the road or pass a horse horse and buggy (unless in Omish country) or have to stop to go around a vehicle just "parked" on the roadside (unless stranded), or would I see an Ostrich in someone's yard.

I left again to my little European cottage to nap and read, wandered back over to J&W's for dinner and listened to Wendi talk about her trip before I left again to the cottage.  Carla wanted to go see a movie yesterday and I said Yes!  Just as the movie was starting, or so I thought, everyone stood and the screen opened to a montage of military clips to the soundtrack of The Star Spangled Banner - then the movie started.  I asked Carla if it was because of Veteran's Day - no, it's going to the theater on a military base.

As we were driving through Angra (the only "city" on the Island), I wondered when I would be able to actually spend some time in Angra to walk around, go into shops and cafe's, really wanting to do more here.  So when Carla sent out a message asking if anyone wanted to join her for a morning of walking and shopping in Angra today - I responded, "Yes!"  That is where I am off to this a.m., after being greeted by Hita to clean here this morning.  When I went out back to feed the chickens, there was one of the 6 walking on the outside of the coupe.  Hita came, grabbed up the chicken, promptly clipped it's winged and dropped it back inside the coupe.  Impressive and having watched it, know I can do that too, if needed.