I logged a long day today 10A-7P. Poor Wendi is taking a lot of hormones in preparation for her upcoming IVF #5, and because of those has fallen head first into a depression, making it difficult for her to function. It helped today when she just let herself cry...on & off from 12N-7P. Over the past month and a half, I've noticed some escalation of different weekly maladies ranging from migraines, cramping, anxiety, and most recent, insomnia.
I said to her just the other day (and she agreed) that since I arrived here 9 weeks ago, she's only had 2 or 3 days of 100% from start to finish. This new malady teased around last week, but lurked in by Monday. Me: "Good morning! How we doin?" Wendy (body language of forced movement and slow, "sludgey" conversation with the kids) answered, "oh okay" Me: "Just okay?" Wendi: "Yeah, just struggling. Mood is very low." Me: "Do you know why?" Wendi: "Not at all. No reason." Me: "okay. Anything you need from me?" Wendi: "nope. just how it is." Me: "I'm sorry Wen." Wendi: "Me too". I had to leave for an organizing estimate, that I never ended up finding the house after 1/2 hour of driving around the Island. This after the morning started w/the microwave (4 tries) not warming up my coffee and no time to make a fresh pot. Me in the a.m.=marginal @ best. Me without coffee in the morning=grrrrrrr.
Anyway, so we got through lunch and rest time. I was on nap duty and Wendi had just laid down for 15 minutes, when her friend brought her 2 boys over and I left with her for new passport photo's for my extended visa. We were back 2 hours later and her good friend Carla stayed with her boys until Wendi's husband returned. John had had a hard day @ the office after 3 nights of Abigail waking up several times per night and Wendi out of commission on Ambien. The kids went to bed nicely and John, Wendi and I finished watching the last 1/2 of Fiddler On The Roof.
Anyway, so we got through lunch and rest time. I was on nap duty and Wendi had just laid down for 15 minutes, when her friend brought her 2 boys over and I left with her for new passport photo's for my extended visa. We were back 2 hours later and her good friend Carla stayed with her boys until Wendi's husband returned. John had had a hard day @ the office after 3 nights of Abigail waking up several times per night and Wendi out of commission on Ambien. The kids went to bed nicely and John, Wendi and I finished watching the last 1/2 of Fiddler On The Roof.
On Tuesday, I was gone most of the day on an organizing job and though her eyes looked "dead", she felt better and had a decent late afternoon and evening.
I conceded to go to Base with her and the kids today. Abigail, Elijah and Wendi needed their flu shots, then to Library Story Hour and the Commissary for groceries. Remember this for later: John has a break @ the Clinic and helps Wendi with the kids get their shots. He tells her that the landlord wants to send over men today to remove the elevator from the house (no explanation and it doesn't matter anyway). Wendi tells him to tell her in no uncertain terms that nobody will be home until 4P. To tell her absolutely nobody can come until 4P.
At the Library, during the craft time, Wendi told me she was close to tears, so we'd just pick up sandwiches from the Commissary rather than taking the kids for burgers, as planned. We left @ 10a-home by 1p, kids & Wendi down by 1:30p...to 3P! “Hurray!” I thought, “I need a break too.” and just as I’d put that into the narrative Abigail started crying...and didn’t stop. I went in, gave her her pacifier and lay her back down. To wit, her cries escalated into angry and long screaming for 4 minutes (yes I did time it), then she fell back to sleep. I thought, “aaaah. okay, so I have 1/2 hour.” only to hear the doorbell, which could easily roust Abigail again...It was the elevator man, 2 hours early. Being Portuguese, he did not understand my agitated greeting, “You were not supposed to come until 4P. All the babies and the mama sleep!” Thankfully Hita was here and did her best to get him to go now, return @ 4P. She told me, “Come, I talk to you.” I thought she was going to tell me in her broken English that he would come back @ 4P...only to see him following us with his tool boxes into the house. I watched Hita talk to him, him to her, she said to me, “He stay, he fix elevator. Comprehend?” I said to the man, “Babies wake up - I give them to you! You stay, fine.” He laughed nervously. I grumbled to myself, “he didn’t understand 4 o’clock, but he understood that!”
Hita proceeds to bring me into John’s office and point to the 3 very tall, very large, very full bookshelves telling me that they have to be moved, so when they cut the elevator out, they put in new windows and doors. I don’t understand since that wall seems far from the elevator wall, but have endured remodel construction and how things end up leading into other jobs, so rather than ask "why", I ask incredulously, “Today? Now?” Hita calls her cousin, Julie, who speaks much better English to explain better to me. Julie speaks to the worker. Worker hand me the phone. Julie tells me, “They’ll come back tomorrow, don’t do anything and we’ll let you know what needs to be done then.” The worker is still there and I incorrectly assume he is packing up his tool boxes, so I return to the 2nd floor, only to hear Abigail crying. I get her up and because I am not her mom, she continues crying. I grab my laptop to pull up family photo’s from Wendi’s blog, which usually helps, but Abigail stands across the room crying. The door opens, a sleepy Wendi comes in, “What’s going on?” (and I feel a little happy inside that I saved her from dealing w/all of that and she got a little bit of rest). I tell her Abigail just awoke and that the elevator man is here. We go through the “I was very clear for them not to show up until 4P?” when the doorbell rings again and 2 more men enter the house and walk toward said elevator. Back to the 2nd floor, the boys are up, but Abigail has stopped crying with her mommy in the room. Wendi asks me what’s going on for tomorrow. I tell her that I have to be near base for an organizing job 12:30-4:30p. She responds, “So I’m alone tomorrow.” I offer, “If you want me to help you in the morning, I can do that.” / “That’d be great. What time are you thinking?” Me: “How about I’ll come down when I wake up and you’ll have me until 12N” She’s lived w/me for 2 months and knows that my wake up could be as late as 10 or 11A and she promptly burst into tears and runs out of the room. Isaac looks @ me - we exchange weak smiles, but Sidge continues building his Kinects and Abigail jabbers in the kids kitchen I’m just grateful that she didn’t see Wendi leave the room. Wendi returns, says, “It’s not you Connie.” I say, “I know, but I can set my alarm for a time that would feel more helpful for you w/o a problem.” She has a glazed look, so I go downstairs to change laundry loads. As I’m putting clothes into the dryer, the 3 men yell, “Miss Miss - sorry to bother you, but we need upstairs! Where are the stairs? Where are the doors and windows we need?” With wet clothes in my hand, I show them to the stairs to tell them Wendi will help them and yell to Wendi that 3 men are coming up. The 1st man looks @ me rather sheepishly to ask, “Babies awake?” I smile, “yes, go up.” Wendi looks @ me weary, “Can you come watch the kids for me to show them?” Me: “Yes, just let me put these wet clothes down.” I do so and run upstairs. Isaac & Elijah are playing nicely and Abigail has one foot on the 1st of 15 stairs grunting, “ma. ma. ma?” and Wendi with the 3 men is nowhere to be found. “No Abigail," I say, "come help me with your book.” to which she stands stubbornly and screeches and cries, but within moments, concedes to my request and when I turn the page and she sees the cow, says, “mooooo!” Oh my gosh, we’ve been working on that all week! She said Moo! to add to her reporte of “mama. dada. ball. (and) yeah.”
The men come down from the 3rd floor each with a door, window and door in hand. Wendi follows them, picks up Abigail and follows them down to the 1st floor. The boys and I follow the procession. Snacks for the kids and I continue with laundry and Wendi checks on Scrubby, locked out by the pool. When she comes back in she asks me if she thinks it’s okay that we locked Scrubby up. "shouldn’t we leave him out? what if the men are afraid of dogs? But it’s my house and I didn’t ask for this work to be done? Do you think it matters? And then is he even protecting us?” I listened to her questions and when she took a breath and looked to me for my thoughts, I said quietly, “Wendi. I think it’s all okay as it is. If you are worried about Scrubby or people with Scrubby, that’s your barometer.” She nodded deeply and burst into fresh tears, “Oh yeah. I’m worried about a non-issue. I get it. Scrubs IS my barometer.” I give her a hug and tell her she’s having one heck of an emotional workout and these tears are sweat and she wouldn’t expect not to sweat going for a 2 mile run, “Just cry - nofashmal (no big deal).” And she does, she just let’s herself cry. Hita worriedly looks to me, “Wendi? Why she cry?” I tell her, “Medicine she take - makes her sad/cry. Nofashmal - we good. Comprehend?” Hita, “Ah yessss, Comprehend.” and goes back to sweeping the porch. I go back to hanging laundry on the lines to find Abigail following Wendi in a diaper, onesie and shoes. It is 55 degree’s outside! I grab her up, change her diaper, put pants, socks and a jacket on her and go back to my laundry duties while she happily plays on the porch. I think it’s safe to say Wendi missed that entire scenario. We’re back in the house, near the kitchen and Wendi’s just kind of standing there, looking out at...nothing. I said gently, "Do you feel like you're hanging on by your chinny chin chin?" Fresh tears, head hung. She kind of fell into my arms and I told her how sorry I am that she is going through this. Wendi is very warm, but she is not a natural hugger. This hug feels a little bit like she’s holding on for dear life. I know depression’s ugly face and I know that though one may refuse to entertain him, he lurks and hangs heavy on your feet. perfectly happy & relentless to be dragged around. I tell her what I know: that she is strong and doing the very best she can with what she has, but that it’s okay that she doesn’t have anything extra right now, than to be with her kids and put one foot in front of the other - everything else is expendable, “So that’s all you HAVE to do. You are present and your children are fed and content. I’m here to pick up the slack and this will end. All is well. And when you need to cry. just cry, but keep moving and slow as a turtle works!” She made Gingerbread man cookies with her boys while I fed Abigail dinner closeby. When Hita’s son came, I helped carry her bags to the car, came back in watching them happily taste the Gingerbread cookies and I gave Abigail some juice. Then John pulled in the gate, home from work! He proceeded to make us wonderful fajitas while Wendi fed the boys dinner and I ran upstairs for a short break. When I came back down, I played with Elijah and Abigail on the floor and folded the freshly dry laundry as John and Wendi and got caught up on their day. We sat down to dinner and Wendi was in tears again, “I just don’t want to feel this way.” John said in an even tone, “I know honey. You do realize that this is not going to last - just a couple more weeks and you’ll be feeling bright and back to yourself again right?” She just cried, slowly nodding with her head down. After dinner, we cleaned up the kitchen, got some computer printing taken care of and finalized the plans for tomorrow. Tomorrow is another day and Wendi’s mood noticeably lifted about 2 octaves. Bedtime was close at hand.
So today, the dishes are done and the laundry is caught up and the house is not just picked up, but it is clean (Hita). Gingerbread cookes made, chore magnets awarded, A-V Bible memory verses recited by the boys (Wendi), stories read (John) and the day planned for tomorrow (John, Wendi, me).
For tomorrow, my alarm is set for 6:30A. Wendi needs to leave by 7:40A for blood work @ the clinic. Best case scenario, she’ll return @ 9A to take the boys to the MOPS Slumber Party event and return by 12N. Worst case scenario, she’ll have to go downtown for said blood work, miss MOPS and just return home, having had some time alone. Either way, I will leave by 12:10P for a 4hour organizing job and resume helping the Kitsteiner family upon my return until the kids’ bedtime. It will be another 10 hour day. Friday, I have an organizing appointment 10-11A, then we need to go to the government office w/all of our paperwork, to attain my extended 90-day visa. From there, we’ll keep the children fed and happy...until their bedtime and we can all relax in our selected corners with our computers as we do most every evening.
And it's nearly 2A....this is why my natural wake up time is 10 am'ish :)
And it's nearly 2A....this is why my natural wake up time is 10 am'ish :)
